Welcome to Manchester

HUMOUR - STUDENT OBTAINED 0% IN AN EXAM!

I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM 100%!  EACH ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT AND FUNNY TOO.  THE TEACHER HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR.

Q1:  IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEON DIE?

*HIS LAST BATTLE.
                
Q2:  WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?

*AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.
                
Q3:  RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?

*LIQUID.

Q4:  WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?

*MARRIAGE.
                 
Q5:  WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?

*EXAMS.

Q6:  WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

*LUNCH & DINNER.
                
Q7:  WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?

*THE OTHER HALF.
                
Q8:  IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?

*WET.
               
Q9:  HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?

*NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.

Q10:  HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?

*YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND

Q11:  IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?

*VERY LARGE HANDS

Q12:  IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?

*NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT.

Q13:  HOW CAN YOU DROP A RAW EGG ONTO A CONCRETE FLOOR WITHOUT CRACKING IT?

*ANY WAY YOU WANT, CONCRETE FLOORS ARE VERY HARD TO CRACK.

Spread some laughter, share the cheer.  Let's be happy, while we're here!

幽一幽，笑一笑

160205
有道是，是不是美女，卸妝就知道，是不是帥哥，剪光頭就知道。
https://www.facebook.com/holmes.zhu?fref=nf&pnref=story

Mourinho imminent appointment as MU Boss

Both i very much dislike, although in recent year my dislike toward MU have soften, due to change of Manager, change of Players, and most probably the lack of success i think. but Mourinho, the self proclaim the Special One still my top dislike figure in the of Football, the 2nd? Alex Ferguson.

The imminent appointment of Mourinho, did worry me a bit if not very much. As much as i don't want to admit, he is very good Manager albeit one who i think come with the back up with the tons of money...and MU have a lot of them. So based on the history, the pair will be success. and of course if that failed i will make doubly joys for me...


Manchester United have stuck to their guns over Jose Mourinho, until now... doing a U-turn and taking him on shows just how desperate things are at Old Trafford

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3442052/Manchester-United-harboured-doubts-Jose-Mourinho-willing-compromise-principles-established-Sir-Alex-Ferguson-appoint-him.html#ixzz3zu6IE1I0
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Come on Javier!

Come on Javier, although you are one of most admired footballer, you should be better this. Already thousands times richer than me, still need to escape the tax? Set the good example, not only on the field, but also outside of it, and as a man, a responsible one. (But sorry, if you didn't do it)

Barcelona star Javier Mascherano is sentenced to a year in prison over £1.2million tax fraud - but is set to avoid jail by paying £625,000 fine

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3410282/Javier-Mascherano-sentenced-year-prison-1-15m-tax-fraud-fined-625-000-Barcelona-star-set-avoid-jail-time.html

逢凶化吉，凶多吉少

老林到算命館 : “你没算準，不是說我昨晚有血光之災吗 ? 结果是平安無事 ! ”          

算命先生說 : "怎麼會呢 ? 我算命一向都很準的啊 ! 請問昨晚你幹啥去了 ? "

老林 : “請一位大胸妹吃晚飯。"

算命先生拍桌大叫一聲說 : “那就對了啊 !《逢胸化吉》嚒。"

老林經過逢胸化吉後，隔天出門又找妹保護，結果卻不幸發生血光之災。

於是又來到算命館抱怨 : “這次說說看，不是說我可以逢胸化吉吗 ? 為何出事了 ? ”

算命先生說 : “怎麼會 ? 我算命一向都很準的 ! 請問，昨晚又是什麼狀況了呢 ? ”

老林 : "這次我找了十個大胸妹。”

算命先生又拍桌大叫一聲說 : “那就對了，你這次是《胸多吉少》! ! "  😂😂😂

Seriously? Messi is not the top 3 Player in the World?

Just wonder those "Captain", for me, being Captain for the Team, the National Team need to be honest, Royal to your countryman, clubmate have a limit, you can and should support your teammate no matter what...but when you come to Top 3 Player in the World and Messi not in there, this is not right, very not right.

You can argue saying that Messi is not the Best Player in the World, for me it is acceptable, but not in the top 3? come on...

For me definite top 3 are Messi and Ronaldo plus one whoever you think is fit in, but for me is Luis Suarez. Of course Neymar, Neuer, Benzema, Bale all can be top 3 candidate, but without Messi and Ronaldo in the top 3, i have serious doubt in your integrity, your football wisdom and your ability as the Captain for your country, and to my surprise there are 30 of them didn't pick Messi in the top 3, strange, strange, strange....

Having saying all this, i am equally unimpressed by both Messi and Ronaldo, they didn't vote they rival either, less of class....

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-3395393/Bastian-Schweinsteiger-James-Rodriguez-Mile-Jedinak-30-captains-didn-t-vote-Lionel-Messi-Ballon-d-Or.html

Bastian Schweinsteiger, James Rodriguez and Mile Jedinak among 30 international captains who didn't have Lionel Messi in top three for Ballon d'Or

• Lionel Messi won his fifth Ballon d'Or with 41.33 per cent of the votes
• The Barcelona star beat Neymar and Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo
• A total of 30 international captains didn't have Messi in their top three
• Diego Godin and Robert Lewandowski among those who left winner out 

By JOE STRANGE FOR MAILONLINE

PUBLISHED: 11:26 GMT, 12 January 2016 | UPDATED: 13:07 GMT, 12 January 2016